Today's jokes [11.4.18]
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It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president
had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of
his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.
"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his
wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
"Why does it work?"
What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask?
"How does it work?"
What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask?
"How much will it cost?"
What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask?
"Do you want fries with that?"
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars
between them, but they had built up a computer business with
sales in the millions. Their company employed over two
hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes.
Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply,
former customers disappeared, and the business failed. Weill
and Mahoney blamed each other for the troubles, and they
parted on unfriendly terms.
Five years later, Weill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped
for a cup of coffee. As he was wiping some crumbs from the
table, a waiter approached. Weill looked up and gasped.
"Mahoney!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing,
seeing you working as a waiter in a place like this."
"Yeah," Mahoney said, curling his lip. "But I don't eat here."
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and
says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today."
"Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?"
The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages."
The friend looks at him quizically.
"Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..."
"What do you think" says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?"
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