Today's jokes [10.11.18]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
a dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Sent by Robert
As a man ages, it is natural that his hair starts thinning.
It is a well-known fact that when a man is bald at the front
of his head, itís because heís a great thinker.
Also, when a man is bald at the back of his head, itís
because heís sexy.
Unfortunately, when a man is bald both front and back, he
only thinks heís sexy...
Sent by Buddy
One day Johnny went to his father and asked him if he could buy him a
$200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have an $ 80,000 mortgage on the
house and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Xmas"
Xmas came around and Johnny asked again.
The father said, "Well the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry
about that. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house
with all his belongings in a suitcase.
The father felt sorry for him and asked him why he was leaving. The
boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say
that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because
she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000
A nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts
raping her. After the rapist is done, he says, "Hey Sister, what are you
going to tell the other Sisters now?"
"I'll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground,
and raped me twice....unless you're tired." she responded.
Letter from Daughter to Parents
Dear Mother and Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss
in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having
written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on,
please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the
concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it
caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get
those sick headaches once a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant
at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire
department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since
I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough
to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room,
but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in
love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but
it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward
to being grrandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the
love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason
for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection
which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly
caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections
I am taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and
although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different
race and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed tolerance will not
permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker
than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is
good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the
village in Africa from which he came.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was
no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was
not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have
syphillis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am getting
a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks
in the proper perspective.
Your Loving Daughter
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30 31