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Today's jokes [9.7.17]

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How many Serbs does in take to change a Lighbulb?

It doesn't matter..Theres a Blackout!



1. 




I can't resist a few:

1. Once you have stolen a dormmate's room keys, the room is yours to
   plunder.  As a variation, steal the dorm keys but reverse the lock
   (so the keyhole faces INTO the room); we had a mechanical engineer
   who got this down to about 20 seconds.  Then loudly announce to the
   victim you own the keys, but "let" them win the race back to their
   room.  PRESTO!  Locked inside their own room (with no keys).  If
   you've fixed the phone to continually ring, they get very pliable
   after about 10 minutes.

2. We connected our secretary's electric typewriter to a variac (can
   vary the line voltage).  At about 40-50 volts (out of the 110)
   the little ball makes three or four jerky attempts before finally
   striking a faint imprint.  Fairly pathetic looking, actually.

3. Reverse the horizontal yoke leads on terminals (so the text comes
   out backwards from right to left).  This works best on a software
   team who thinks they have just released the firmware for screen
   drivers.  Besides, hardware people figure it out too quickly.

4. Hand lotion inside of an air hose on the final assembly line is
   effective, but very vindictive.  Use with caution (now, I'm not
   saying I ever did this, but I "saw" it done once :-)

And the standard saran wrap across women's toilets, Karo syrup, flour in
the shower, water-filled surgical tubing jammed in a drawer....ah, for
the good old days!!



2. 




A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning
to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. 
"Out drinking again!?" she says.
"How much money did you spend this time?" 
"$100," answers the man. 
"$100!" she shouts.
"That's ridiculous, spending that much in one night!" 
"Easy for you to say," he replies. "You don't smoke,
you don't drink, and you have your own pussy."

3. 




How do you get a horny dog to stop humping on your leg?

Pick him up and start sucking his dick.

4. 




   A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it
   is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out
   the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was "now or
   never", he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a
   parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a
   toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant.
   When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll".
   The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending
   manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks "Which Barbie
   would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant
   continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to
   the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie dates
   BaddTeddy for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes
   Night Clubbing for $19.95, Cyber Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie
   for $265.00" The man can't help himself and asks "why is Divorced
   Barbie $265.00 when all the other Barbies are selling for $19.95?"
   "That's obvious!" says the assistant, "Divorced Barbie comes with
   Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture ....


5. 



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