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Today's jokes [9.6.17]

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After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old 
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As 
she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her 
patience grew thin.  At last she threw a towel around her head 
and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern 
warnings.  As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old 
say with a trembling voice,  "Who was *that*?"

1. 




A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new
territory.  He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and
before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties
all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that
horseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it."  

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

He Salesman says, "why do you ask?"

She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet." 



2. 




scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien
Civilization...

Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the
Star System at the top of the list, cross off that star
system, then put your Star System at the bottom of the
list and send it to 100 other Star Systems.  Within
one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive
enough hydrogen to power your civilization until
entropy reaches its maximum!  IT REALLY WORKS!



3. 




How do you break a blonde's nose?

Place a dildo under a glass table!

4. 




Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . .
600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . .
please instruct! Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . .
repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."


5. 



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