Today's jokes [9.5.17]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk.
The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could
get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles - or one from Minsk for
only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, --- they got the cow from
It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots
of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people
decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it,
and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply
So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture.
When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the
cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the
cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all
Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi
what to do. After all he was very wise.
They told him the story. "Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our
cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left
and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the
right. What do we do?"
The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow
"Rabbi!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said
we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?"
The Rabbi said, sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
Friend: Vern, are you going to take your wife Alice on your next cruise?
Vern: Yes, indeed. I just can't leave her behind alone.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslectic agnostic with insomnia?
A: He used to lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for
plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing
alright--but after a few
months he gets "lonely", if you know what I mean. The pig starts to
look more and more
attractive--soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this
poor guy makes an
advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost
bit his leg. One day
the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it
turns out to be a dinghy,
cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman,
unconscious. He drags her
to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back to
health. Finally she is
well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for
saving my life. I don't
know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything,
just name it." The guy
thinks for a minute and says "Would you mind taking my dog for a
A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally
swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no
ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions,
undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he
looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.
"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30