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Today's jokes [8.2.17]

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A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right 
into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he 
picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying 
the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says "thank you for not 
disturbing my buttercups. For that I shall make sure that you always have 
a full supply of butter".

"Thank you," the golfer replied, "but where were you last week when I hit
the ball into the pussywillows?"



1. 




"give me the bad news first."
"You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no!  What could be worse than that?"
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
"Oh.  Well, that's not so bad.  At least I don't have AIDS."

2. 




A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet 
down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me."

The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', 
I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."

3. 




What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off? 

     Spit, swallow and gargle. 

4. 




A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field,
until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the
guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's
my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but
now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really
too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could
enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral." 

5. 



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