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Today's stories [7.16.17]

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In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you
had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family).
When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got the consent of
the King and the King gave them placard that they hung on
their door while they were having sex.
The placard had F. U. C. K. on it
(Fornication Under Consent of the King).

1. 




My father is an ex-Marine who served in the Vietnam War. He tells me many 
stories about pranks and stuff he pulled, and here is one that stood out.
He was on patrol, in the pitch black night, with orders NOT TO FIRE unless 
an enemy was spotted. In the pitch black night. Well he wasn't about to 
wait until the VK was in his face with a combat knife before he started 
shooting, so he looked around for a reason to open fire. And they found 
one.
In the distance, they heard a Vietnamise bird, nicknamed the 'fuck you' 
bird because of its 'unique cry.'
They got on the radio.
"This is 'Bubbles' (his nickname, another story), we have spotted a gook, 
sir, request permission to open fire."
"Roger, open fire."
They then began shooting wherever the bird was heard. Of course, they 
couldn't just stop there...
"This is bubbles, Requesting airstrike..."
Yup. He called in Willie Peter, Napalm, Airstrikes, 'Puff the Magic 
Dragon' (a large plane with a lot of machine guns that could level an area 
the size of a football field in a matter of seconds.) as well as laying 
thier own steel.
In the morning, the bird was still there. But 30 VK's were confirmed dead.
Needless to say, my father was put in for a commendation. But because he 
wasn't a brownnoser, he didnt get it.

Sent by Bradley

2. 




Long ago in Israel the wisest man, a great philopher and thinker, was 
holding audience. Everyone was there - the hall was packed out - 
politicians at the front, professionals, doctors, lawyers next, then 
businessmen, etc., with lesser beings further and further away. 

He intones his most famous and deepest saying: "Life is like a fish". 
Everyone murmers in obedient and respectful agreement "How wise", "What a 
thinker", "How true", "What a man". 

At the very back of hall, a callow, spotty youth - a freshman probably, 
sticks his hand up and asks "Why?". Absolute horror around the hall... 
They stare round enraged at him "How can he question the great man?", "Has 
he no sense at all?". They stare back anxiously at the great man - what 
will he do? He doesn't react, just sits there, pondering. The atmosphere 
is electric. After ten minutes of deep thought, the great man looks up, 
the audience expectant with bated breathe. He speaks. "Alright, so it's 
not like a fish".

3. 



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