Today's stories [7.10.17]
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Zoo sperm bank worker Mohd. Binatang bin Goncang wins "Worst Job in
Wildlife Reserves Singapore (WRS), which runs the Singapore Zoo,has set
up a bank of sperm and animal tissue in order to help preserve species.
The thankless task of collecting the sperm falls to Mr. Binatang's,
starting his rounds at 4 a.m. "We start so early in the morning because
a lot of the animals have 'morning glory' when they wake up, and it's
easier to collect the sperm.
Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler box filled with ice and
tupperware, Mr. Binatang, 25, told us that he'd just graduated from
Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in life sciences. He liked nature
and animals, and thought that the Singapore Zoo would be the perfect
place to work.
"I never thought I'd be giving an orang-utan a hand job every morning,"
he said somewhat ruefully. "And he is the worst, he expects to be kissed
first. "As we approached the orang-utan enclosure, we saw the Zoo's most
famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his head, and
sporting a huge erection.
Applying the massage oil onto his gloves, he lingered outside the
enclosure before entering and knelt before the orange beast. About 2
minutes' worth of squelching noises could be heard before Mr.Binatang
Next the tiger enclosure, the big cats were sprawled lazily on the grass
verge, in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh set of
gloves and entered the enclosure. "Here, kitty, kitty,kitty..."
Moments later, he emerged with several tupperware full of viscous
"Isn't it dangerous?" we asked.
Mr. Binatang was silent for a while.
"They know I'm not there as an enemy," he finally said, a glazed,
faraway look in his eyes.
Worked his way round the zoo, finished his rounds at 3 pm in the
afternoon. Carrying out his duties with the tapirs, the rhinoceros,
giraffe and the gorillas, amongst others. "Each animal is different,"
he said, removing his gloves, now speckled with traces of polar bear
"The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards. The elephant is
the most tricky because of the size of its thing... sometimes I have to
use both my arms to tug on it." "As you can expect it's really
affecting my sex life.
I can't help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating
hippos keep floating through my mind."
How long will he stay difficult to know, but deputy assistant director
Lai Jee Seow thinks it is important to continue.
"It's because the animals have gotten too used to Binatang coming over
every morning to pull them off," said "Many of them now can't be
bothered to engage in real sex."
Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and
volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I
declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told
me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest ofour
lives making each other sick!"
"Hey Bill, I heard you can download the whole
Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet".
"No kidding? How much memory will it take up?".
"Not much, just two Bytes."
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