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Today's quotes [7.17.17]

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"God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on
 where to go.
         'Why not go to Jupiter?' asked St. Peter.
         'No, too much gravity, too much stomping around,' said God.
         'Well, how about Mercury?'
         'No, it's too hot there.'
         'Okay,' said St. Peter, 'What about Earth?'
         'No,' said God, 'They're such horrible gossips.  When I was
 there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're
 still talking about it.'"
                        -- fortune


1. 




"It must have gone down while I was up..."
                        -- Janet Robertson


2. 




"I think my favourite word at the moment is 'sphincter'. People have been
 using it a lot lately and it's starting to grow on me."
                        -- Karen Peisley


3. 




"Yeah I know, I don't have the big one though..."
                        -- me


4. 




"Satan is my sad... pathetic... knob."
                        -- Alasdair McLellan


5. 



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