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Today's jokes [7.4.17]

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One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table
working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter
about government. The boy turns to his father and asks,
"Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?"
The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about ten percent."

1. 




   A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the
   mental abilities of
   their wives. The Canadian says, "You know my wife must be the most
   stupid woman in
   the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of
   meat, and we don't
   even have a freezer! The Scotsman says, "That's nothing! My wife went
   out last week
   and bought a brand new $30,000 car, and she can't even drive! Not to
   be out done, the
   Aussie says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that! Last week she left
   for a two week holiday
   in Paris and I saw her pack 20 condoms! Hell, she doesn't even have a
   penis!"
   


2. 




    DOUBLE VODKA

   A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
   double vodka."
   The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
   "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
   The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
   drinks.
   When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
   back,
   "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
   On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
   double vodkas.
   The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
   "Yeah, my wife..."


3. 




Q: What did Michael Jackson say when his cock slid
   in the little boys arse?
A: There is a great musician in you.

4. 




   A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a
   giraffe walked in.
   "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try
   your luck?" replied
   the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to
   her. Within five
   minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the
   lion was drinking in the
   bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out,
   and can hardly hold
   himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink
   down his throat and
   said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the
   giraffe, what happened
   after that? Was she all right?"
   The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to
   dinner, had a couple
   of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the
   night. And oh, man!
   I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so
   exhausted?" asked
   the lion. "Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the
   screwing, I must have run a
   thousand miles!"
   


5. 



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