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Today's stories [5.8.17]

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I heard Dan Quayle is in favor of a 30% tax cut.  His thinking
must have been "Well, Dole lost with a 15% tax cut, but if I triple
it to 30%, I can win!"

1. 




It's great being a new mom. The only thing I worry about is
that one day the FBI will break down my door and take the
baby back to his real mother.   But I guess it's normal
for new moms to worry.

2. 




PORTLAND, OR - A man was admitted to an emergency clinic with severe
bruising and lacerations on his penis and testicles, caused in an accident
involving a hand held vacuum cleaner. The man had been vacuuming, wearing
only a bathrobe, when he tripped, having been distracted because his robe
fell open. "It always does that," he said. "I keep meaning to rig up some
kind of tie for it, but I never do. I guess I'll get around to it now." He
fell on the vacuum and the small beater bar of the device caused enough
damage to require fifteen stitches and an overnight stay at the clinic.

3. 



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