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Today's jokes [5.4.17]

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The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in
less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man".

The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the
scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like
manner.

He sent the following e-mail to his wife's lover:

     Sir,
     It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my
     wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday
     next.

The "other man" was highly amused by the husband's formal manner and sent off the following reply at once:

     Dear Sir,
     I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the
     scheduled conference in your Office's auditorium. 

1. 




A guy says to a salesgirl, "I want to buy some toilet paper."
She says, "What color?"
He says, "Just give me white. I'll color it myself." 


2. 




Why do bankers make great lovers? 

     They know the penalty for early withdrawal. 

3. 




   If you are unsure of what "shagging" means, [1]this list may help. LD
   
   A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all
   he visits a Cornish farmer.
   
   "So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"
   
   "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie
   boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."
   
   "That's very interesting," replies the researcher and he leaves the
   Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midlands Farmer.
   
   "So, Midlands farmer, how do you shag your Sheep?"
   
   "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie
   boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."
   
   "That's very interesting," replies the researcher. "That's how they do
   it in Cornwall too." And he leaves the Midlands farmer. Then he meets
   a farmer from Abergaveny.
   
   "So, Abergaveny farmer, how do you shag your Sheep?" "Well, I take the
   hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the
   front legs of the sheep and put them over my shoulders."
   
   "Over your shoulders?" replies the researcher. "Don't you put them
   over a wall like everyone else?"
   
   "What?" says the farmer. "And miss out on all the kissing?!"
   


4. 




Q: WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED?
            A: Who cares?

5. 



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