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Today's jokes [5.15.17]

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   Little Johnny is excited because the circus has come to town and his
   mum has got front row tickets for him. Finally the evening comes and
   Little Johnny and his mum go off to the big top. Little Johnny sits
   there and enjoys the lions and the tigers and the jugglers and the
   trapeze artists, and finally out comes little Johnnys favourites, the
   clowns.
   
   Johnny is loving the clowns and their humorous japes until one of the
   clowns comes up to him and says 'Little boy are you the front end of
   an ass?'
   
   'No,' replies little Johnny.
   'Are you the rear end of an ass?'
   'No,' replies little Johnny again.
   'In that case,' says the clown, 'you must be no end of an ass.'
   
   Little Johnny is distraught and he runs out of the circus and all the
   way home in tears. When his mum catches up with him she says, 'Little
   Johnny don't worry, your Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit,
   backchat and repartee, is coming to stay tomorrow. We will take him to
   the circus and he will sort that nasty clown out.' At this news little
   Johnny cheers up and looks forward to the next night.
   
   The next night comes and, sure enough, Uncle Marvo, the master of
   lightning wit, backchat and repartee arrives and the three of them set
   off for the circus. When they get there Little Johnny, his mum and
   Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, sit
   down and enjoy the lions, the tigers, the jugglers and the trapeze
   artists, and then out come the clowns.
   
   Again Little Johnny is enjoying their antics and yet again one of the
   clowns comes up to him and says, 'Little boy are you the front end of
   an ass?'
   
   Quick as a flash, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat
   and repartee jumps up and shouts at the very top of his voice:
   
   'Fuck off you Red nosed Cunt!'
   


1. 




A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an 
experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling 
them to disperse some people who were loitering. 

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd 
standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and 
said, "Let's get off the corner." 

No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!" 
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled 
glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young 
policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I 
do?"

"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this was a 
bus stop."

2. 




If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and
Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one 
would win?

Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that 
harass is one word.

3. 




Did you hear about that guy who was asked to be a Jehovah's witness? 

    - He refused becuase he hadn't seen the accident. 

4. 




Q.  What do pub landlords say in Kosovo at chucking out time?

A.  "Come on you lot, have you not got any homes to go to?"

5. 



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