Today's jokes [5.13.17]
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The company sergent is briefing the recruits:
"For the next ten weeks the commanding officer will be your father,
and I will be your mother. Incidentally we are not married, so you
know what that makes you..."
A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach.
"What did you eat for dinner last night?" asked the doctor.
"Oysters," she said.
"Fresh oysters?" asked the doctor.
"How should I know?" said the lady
"Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the
"My Gosh," gasped the lady. "Are you supposed to take off the shells?"
At a government affair, the wives of four world
leaders are chatting about how people refer to a
penis in their countries.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people
call it a gentleman, because it stands up when
women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call
it a patriot, because you never know if it will
hit you on the front or on the back side.
The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a
curtain, because it goes down after the act.
With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says
in the USA you call it a rumor, because it
goes from mouth to mouth...
Sent by Igor
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a
lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and
said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,
"A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Here's a pretty nasty one:
Why are they having such a hard time finding a cure for AIDS?
The scientists can't get the mice to butt fuck.
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