Today's stories [4.18.17]
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John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great
state of Washington, decided to attend a local
Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at George,
Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among
them) they sat in the parking lot, and after
finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy
enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and
sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their
pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was
for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over,
and then assist his friend over the fence.
Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop
on the other side of the fence. Having heaved
himself over, he found himself crashing through a
tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large
branch which snagged him by his shorts. Dangling
from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked
down and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring
the bushes would break his fall, John removed his
pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
to free himself from the tree. When finally free,
John crashed below into Holly bushes. The sharp
leaves scratched his entire body and now being
without his shorts, he was the unwilling victim
of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity.
To make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded
to fall with him and landed three inches into his
left thigh. Seeing his friend in considerable pain
and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope and pull
him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds
less, he decided the best course of action would
be to tie the rope to the pickup truck. This is
when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken
state, Sal put the truck into the wrong
gear,pressed on the gas, and crashed through the
fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was
thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal
injuries and also died at the scene. Police
arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver
thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and upon moving
the truck, a half naked man, with numerous
scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in
his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from the
tree branches 25 feet in the air.
So you think you're computer-illiterate?
Check out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by
Jim Carlton --
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key
is. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that
the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the
problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then
rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back
in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold
on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the
room to close the door to his room.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in
front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell
tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of
friends,"the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store,
the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of
Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys
and washing them individually.
A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The
tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged
in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power
button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and
nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's
Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in,
and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When
asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What
Last weekend I was in the grocery store getting a gallon of milk. As a walk up to the check out
line the lady in front of me turns around and says, " You are such a doll, you look almost
identical to my daughter." Being polite I said thank you and asked the woman if her daughter
was in college? I woman replied, "No she died about 2 years ago in car accident." I was in
complete shock; I didn't no what to say. As the woman was handing the clerk her coupons she
asked me to do a favor for her. I couldn't say no or it would seem too awkward. She asked me
if I would wave at her and say "by mom." as she was leaving. Feeling very weird, as the lady
was leaving I said "by mom!" When the clerk rang up my milk he said that will be $65.39. I am
thinking WHAT?! The clerk said your mom told me you would take the bill for her also. My first
reaction was to run after the lady. As I was close behind her, maybe a foot, I tripped and
pulled her leg just like I am pulling yours!!
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