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Today's stories [4.17.17]

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[UPI,Portland, OR] Doctors at Portland's
   University Hospital said Wednesday an Oregon man
   shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky
   to be alive, and will be released soon from the
   hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
   last weekend during an initiation into a men's
   rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants
   Pass,Ore. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off
   his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right
   eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter
   to the left, a major blood vessel would have cut
   and Roberts would have died instantly.
   Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University
   Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8
   to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at
   the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss
   all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had
   Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he
   surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
   afterwards he and his friends had been drinking
   that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so
   dumb about this." (I would feel 'dumb' too if that
   much of my brain had been skewered - KEB)
   No charges have been filed but the Josephine County
   district attorney's office said the initiation stunt
   is under investigation.


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[AP, Arkansas] A woman named Linda went to
   Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while
   there, went to a store. She parked next to a car
   with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and
   hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When
   Linda came out a while later, she again saw the
   woman, her hands still behind her head but with
   her eyes open. The woman looked very strange, so
   Linda tapped on the window and said "Are you
   okay?" The woman answered "I've been shot in the
   head, and I am holding my brains in." Linda didn't
   know what to do; so she ran into the store where
   store officials called the paramedics. They had to
   break into the car because the door was locked.
   When they got in, they found that the woman had
   bread dough on the back of her head and in her
   hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded,
   apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud
   explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in
   the head. When she reached back to find what it
   was, she felt the dough and thought it was her
   brains. She passed out from fright at first, then
   attempted to hold her brains in!


2. 




From a radio program, a true report of a
   happening in Michigan, USA. A guy buys a brand new
   Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and has $400+
   monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting
   and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two
   Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the
   dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They
   drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now,
   they want to make some kind of a natural landing
   area for the ducks, something for the decoys to
   float on. In order to make a hole large enough to
   look like something a wandering duck would fly
   down and land on, it is going to take a little
   more effort than an ice hole drill. Out of the
   back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of
   dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these
   two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration
   that if they place the stick of dynamite on the
   ice at a location far from where they are standing
   (and the new Grand Cherokee), they don't want to
   take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run
   from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke
   with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light
   this 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
   Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned 
   the vehicle, the beer,the guns and the dog? Yes, the
   dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for
   retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner.
   You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of
   doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of
   dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the
   time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream,
   wave arms and wonder what to do now. The dog,
   cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs
   the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is
   loaded with 8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop
   a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment,slightly
   confused but continues on. Another shot and this
   time the dog, still standing, becomes really
   confused & of course scared,thinking these two
   Nobel Prize winners have gone insane. He takes off
   to find cover, (with the now really short fuse
   burning on the stick of dynamite).... under the
   brand new Cherokee. BOOM ! Dog and Cherokee are
   blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake
   in a very large hole, leaving the two candidates
   for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing
   there with this "I can't believe this happened"
   look on their faces. The insurance company says
   that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of
   explosives is not covered. He had yet to make the
   first of those $400+ a month payments.


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