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Today's stories [4.15.17]

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My wife used to have the habit of disbelieving something with 
the phrase "my ass!"  She would say "Four hundred dollars, 
my ass!" or "30 minutes late, my ass!"  One day a friend of 
mine and I were having a conversation, which she was listening 
to, and I said something like "...so it would be easy to 
penetrate.."  She chimed in... "Penetrate my ass!"  My friend 
and I laughed so long and hard we forgot what we were even 
talking about!  Needless to say, she doesn't say "my ass!" any 
more.

1. 




Taking a medical history is an experience: The MD, taking a 
sex-behavior history asked: "How many orgasms did you have 
last week?"  The answer: "Counting masturbatory ones and 
wet dreams?"

2. 




Sam told me about the accident he was trying to find out 
about: 
Me:  So I heard about some car accident this morning.
Friend:  Yeah, it was Sam, he got hit by a car on the way to 
school. 
Me:  Oh my God, is he alright?
Friend:  I don't think so, they took him to the hospital.
Me:  ICU?  (intensive care unit)
Friend (quite serious):  I see you too, but this is no time to play 
peekaboo.

3. 



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