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Today's jokes [4.9.17]

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Q: What do Kodak cameras have in common with condoms?
A: Both capture the moment.


Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.


The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class 
was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe 
properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at 
this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is 
especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the 
time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised 
his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"


Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. 
Peter asks: "Oh dear, what happened to you?" 
Di answers: "I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, 
he looks much worse". 
Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: "My God, 
you look terrible."
Dodi replies: "This is nothing. Wait till you see my driver."
Half an hour later some bones and flesh move slowly to the Gates, 
and St. Peter says: "So you're the driver?"
"No, I'm Mother Theresa. 


Gross is having to tuck your hemorrhoid into your sock so you won't step on
it when you walk.


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