Today's jokes [4.4.17]
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Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.
Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ?
A. Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob !
One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be
judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he
could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and
God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the
only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500
pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and
enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an
eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman,
pretending to be happy.
As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead.
Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with.
When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on,
and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and
scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more
then you did." They both shook their heads in understanding
and figured that as long as they have to be with these women,
they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.
Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking
along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos could
have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this
man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel /
centerfold. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man and
in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked him how is he with
this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these
Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining.
This has been absolutely the best time of my life (and I'm
dead,) and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope
for to look forward to. There is only one thing that I can't seem
to understand. After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and
murmur's to herself, "Damn income taxes!"
Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late,
especially when the boss is still around. You could read
magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but
have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk
past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails
at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc...) and during
Did you hear about the new course you can take at school?
Yes, Intercourse....you go between periods and you are expected to come.
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