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Today's jokes [4.16.17]

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When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse? 

     Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips! 

1. 




In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw
a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and
couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her,
and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, little
lady, that's done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake
up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat." 

2. 




A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast.
One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said,
"Don't move -- I'll be right back."
When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in 
amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?"
"I hiccupped."

3. 




What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box?

A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house.
A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.



4. 




Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?

     Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20 pounds." 

5. 



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