Today's jokes [4.14.17]
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On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and
civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control
tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an
aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an
American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force,
it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is
an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday
Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a
compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She
opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person
"Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.
The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one.
"You dumbass -- that's ME!
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and
found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he
asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided
to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the
drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river
(look, my suit's still damp), ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr.
Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was
carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously
disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.
THE DR. ASKS,"IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?"
THE REDNECK SAYS,"NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER.
Sent by BOBBY
A nun is walking down the street, when suddenly a punk jumps out of the
bushes and hits her over the head, proceeds to kick her in the groin and
break her nose with a massive left hook. As the nun is lying bleeding on
the floor, the guy looks down and says:
You're getting slow in your old age, Batman.
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