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Today's jokes [4.13.17]

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What do people do for fun on Halloween? 

They monsterbate


I just pulled one on somebody -- I slipped some of those anti-
shoplifting strips into the lining of the victim's favorite
jacket.  I was set to pull another one, but didn't get the chance
- to cut out a silhouette of a gun from metal and hide it in a
piece of carry-on luggage.


Why did Cleopatra take milk baths?

             She couldn't find a cow tall enough for a shower. 


Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by 
the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on 
the far end of the runway." 

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure 
on 124.7... did you copy the report from Eastern?" 

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff... and 
yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our 


With all the recent talk of cloning, you'd think it was a new thing.
But in fact, a very wealthy westerner had himself cloned many years ago. 
The boy grew up to have very foul mouth. The more the son swore, the\
madder the father got. 
One day, the father got so mad he pushed his son off a high cliff. 
The sheriff arrested him for making an obscene clone fall. 


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