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Today's jokes [4.10.17]

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"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, 
I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when 
you are sober."

1. 




During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he 
was falling back during a really fierce battle. "Didn't you hear 
me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?" 

The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir." 

2. 




On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, 
pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male 
students, and the male dormitory to the female students. 
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second 
time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost 
you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
                                                    
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"

3. 




A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm 
constipated."
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean 
over the table."
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks 
him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the 
bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. 
What should I do?"
The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

4. 




It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against 
President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The 
spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with
a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick.



5. 



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