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Today's stories [3.5.17]

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Ladies Night Out.

So ... the other day, three friends and I went to this 
"Ladies Night Club." One of the girls wanted to impress us, 
so she pulls out a $10 bill.  The "dancer" came over to us, 
and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek.
         
Not to be outdone, my second friend pulls out a $20 bill.  
She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it 
on his other butt cheek.
         
Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my third friend 
pulls out a $50 bill.  She calls the guy back over again, 
licks the $50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt 
cheeks.
        
Now the attention is focused on me.  What could I do to top 
that?  I got out my wallet, thought for a minute ... and 
then the financial analyst in me took over.
        
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, 
grabbed the $80 bucks and went home.



Sent by Neicey

1. 




A lady who was known as Churchill's main rival in parliament was giving a 
speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off 
while the lady was speaking. She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston 
by yelling, "Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?" Churchill 
sleepily replied, "No, ma'am. I do so purely by choice."

2. 




I was playing in a night club, and getting few requests and small tips. 
Towards the end of the night, a man walked up with a wad of bills in his 
hand and asked me to play a jazz chord. I played an Amaj7. 

He said, "No, no. A jazz chord." 

I did a little improvisational thing, but he didn't like that either. 

"No, no, no! A jazz chord. You know, 'A jazz chord, to say, ah love you.'" 



3. 



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