Today's stories [3.18.17]
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Listen about that guy who was pulled over for running a
stop sign. When the cop checked the man's driver's license,
he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not
now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that." The guy
said, "Officer, I have *contacts*." The cop said, "Look, buddy,
I don't care *who* you know -- I'm giving you a ticket."
The two butchers were brought into the emergency room.
They both had their left hands bandaged. "What happened?" I
asked the first one. "I was cutting some meat when the cleaver
slipped and cut my hand." I asked the other one how he had
been injured. "Oh, I was showing the other guys what *this*
guy was doing and I did the same thing."
My husband was telling me a joke while my 7 year old son
listened. In the joke is a line about a barber being told *not* to
put hair tonic on the customer because the customer's wife
would think he'd been to a whorehouse. Another customer
tells a second barber to go ahead and splash it on -- his wife
doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
My son turns to me and says, "Do *you* know what it smells
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