Today's poems [3.16.17]
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There was an old maid in Van Nuys
Who went crazy from making mud pies.
She would fill them with farts
And pickled beef-hearts,
And bake them between her fierce thighs.
There once was a man named Sweenie,
who spilled some gin on his weenie.
So just to be couth,
he spilled some vermouth.
And then slipped his girl a Martini.
If you're speaking of actions immoral
Then how about giving the laurel
To doughty Queen Esther,
No three men could best her---
One fore, one aft, and one oral.
There was an old maid of Nantucket
Had an asshole as big as a bucket.
While bent over the oven
A-dreamin' of lovin',
Her goat siezed the moment to fuck it.
I'LL KEEP YOUR CLOTHES
At first when we were dating
You would bring a rose
And as a ritual of mating
Leave behind some clothes
It seemed a cute formality
it put me in love's throws
It had a wondrous quality
"Yeah! I'll keep your clothes."
You'd leave sexy underwear
The type that made you strut and pose
You'd toss them in my corner chair
I teased, "I'll keep your clothes"
Then there came some rainy washes
and some days of heavy snows
You'd leave raincoats and galoshes
I said, "Sure. I'll keep your clothes"
Add T-shirts with a beer slogan
or an alien head that glows
or a samurai from Shogun
I said, "OK...I'll keep your clothes"
I left you little notes
"Hey, my closet overflows"
"I've boxed up all my coats!"
But, still, I keep your clothes
One day you showed up with a wagon
And a couple of cheap ho's
You said, "Baby, I'm baggin'"
I said, "Oh, yeah? I'll keep your
You really blew your stack
You said, "Hey! This really blows!
What are you? On crack?"
I just said, "I'll keep your clothes"
You cried, "What am I to wear?"
I said, "Who cares? Who knows?
You've been a sorry ass affair.
At least I'll keep your clothes"
The underwear so fine
I'll hold for other joes
The jeans that are now mine
They'll fit. I'll keep your clothes.
The shirts that look like bags
The socks with ripped up toes
I'll use them up as rags
What fun to keep your clothes!
So, be nice to your ex-girlfriends
Watch where you put your nose
And be kind when the love ends
Or else, we'll keep your clothes
From the book: THE LOVE POEMS OF THE
FEMINIST FROM THE DARKSIDE by Fembah
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