Today's jokes [3.8.17]
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An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They
were in bed
getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I
should tell you I have
acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don't have cute
Three Republicans walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve Republicans here."
The Republicans say, "That's OK...We don't serve you either.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE STANDING ON HER HEAD?
A BRUNETTE WITH BAD BREATH!
Sent by ÇãM
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall
that says, "$500 if we fail to fill your order."
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly
writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he
hears an explosion of voices.
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen and up to the
customer's table. He slaps down five $100 bills in front of the man.
"You got me this time, buddy," he says, "but I want you to know this --
that's the first time in 10 years we've been out of rye bread."
This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
so he went to the
doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
sex, to stick his
finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
smell would cause his
hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
decided to make his
move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
in her pussy, and then
rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began
to stiffen. Amazed, he
decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
in her pussy, then
rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4
erect. He decided to
try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all
around under his nose.
Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
with his dick standing
tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
said, "Looks like the
worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"
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