Today's jokes [2.14.17]
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Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien
Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your
star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other
star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy
reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the
reception committee, and
after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of
the Holy Scriptures, and
spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a
linguistic master, he
sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the
Bible, working back
from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.
All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come
running to him, only to
find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,
"An 'R'! They left out
God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem
is. After collecting
his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R' ... the word was
supposed to be
Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe
took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly.
"Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's whatcha gotta do. One: Take out
Two: Pull back the foreskin.
Four: Push back your foreskin.
Five: Put your equipment back."
The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his
still, Joe's wife came running over. "Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went
ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!"
"Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said.
I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' "Two-four, two-four, two-four......"
Why are there no Olympic Team Cuban swimmers?
Cause all the Cuban who can swim are here already!
Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That
evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12
point buck. "Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing
that Sam had returned alone.
"He's about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left
him there 'cause I figured ain't nobody 'bout to steal him."
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