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Today's jokes [2.12.17]

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Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses "I 
want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days." and Moses 
says "Yeah sure." So Jesus gets up and says "I think I'll walk on the 
water, that was always a good one." So Jesus walks over to the edge of the 
boat, steps into the water, and sinks like a stone. Moses drags Jesus back 
into the boat and revives him. Moses then says "What's the problem?" and 
Jesus says, "I think its the holes in my feet!"


She: "Do you think of me when you're away darling?"

He: "Yes honey, I always bare you in mind." 


"I've had it with my wife." said the one drinking buddy to the 
other. "I'm filing for an divorce."

"Sorry to hear that pal." said his partner. "May I ask why?"

"I found her supply of birth control pills." said the first.

"Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't 
see leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin."

"It ain't just that." stormed Frank. "I had a vasectomy over five 
years ago."


    At the Doctor's...
   -A young woman said to her doctor,
   "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
   "What do you mean?" said the doctor.
   -The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,
   "Ow, that hurts."
   -Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled,
   "Ouch! That hurts, too."
   -Then she touched her right earlobe.
   "Ow, even THAT hurts."
   The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
   -"Why yes," she said.
   "I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."


What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

                                         A Doberman.


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