Today's jokes [2.11.17]
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What do you call a truckload of vibrators?
-Toys for Twats.
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."
"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf."
"Bullshit, watch this...Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll get
the shovel and clean it up!"
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable
cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot
bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the
windows and stand in the draft.
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."
Ok, I'm going to get a lot of hate mail for this one...
What's the definition of the perfect woman?
She's three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth, and her head is flat
so you can put a can on it. The sports model has pull back ears and her
teeth fold in. The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turns
into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.
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