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Today's jokes [12.4.17]

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                               UNIVERSAL GRADE CHANGE FORM

                              ____________________University


      To: Professor____________________ From:___________________________


      I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be

      changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:


      ______1.    The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.

      ______2.    The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.

      ______3.    This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into: 

                  ______Medical School          ______Graduate School

                  ______Dental School           ______My Fraternity/Sorority

                  ______The Mickey Mouse Club   ______Tri County Tech

      ______4.    I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in

                  _______________.

      ______5.    I'll lose my scholarship.

      ______6.    I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam.

      ______7.    I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used

                  did not cover the materisal asked for on the exam.

      ______8.    I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every

                  little fact.

      ______9.    I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams

                  asked about general principles.

      _____10.    You are prejudiced against:

                  ______Males         ______Jews          ______Blacks

                  ______Females       ______Catholics     ______Whites

                  ______Protestants   ______Moslems       ______Minorities

                  ______Chicanos      ______People        ______Students

      _____11.    If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or

                  at least cut my allowance.

      _____12.    I was unable to do well in this course because of the

                  following illness:

                  ______mono                  ______broken baby finger

                  ______acute alcoholism      ______pregnancy

                  ______VD                    ______fatherhood

      _____13.    You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly

                  how you wanted that done.

      _____14.    I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.

      _____15.    I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade.

      _____16.    The lectures were:

                  ______too detailed to pick out important points

                  ______not explained in sufficient detail

                  ______too boring

                  ______all jokes and not enough material

                  ______all of the above

      _____17.    This course was:

                  ______too early, I was not awake.

                  ______at lunchtime, I was hungry

                  ______too late, I was tired

      _____18.    My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my

                  (book, notes, paper) for this course.

      _____19.    Other___________________________________________________



1. 




Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple 
wakes up.
Woman: "Quick! My husband is back!"
Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: "Shit! But I 
am the husband!"

Sent by Ser



2. 




A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside 
the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most 
attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed 
her constantly glancing down at his crotch. "Hi, there, I'm Jerry," he 
said, as he went into one of his well rehearsed routines, "and I help 
produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any question I can answer for you?" "As 
a matter of fact there is," she said as she glanced down once more toward 
his embellished jeans. "Do you have change for a dollar?"

3. 




Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ? 
     - Because it was dead. 

Why did the baby fall out of the tree ? 
     - Because it was stapled to the monkey. 

4. 




Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing 
thing that happened the night before.
"Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into 
bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse 
she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours.
Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light, 
lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble 'n' strife. 
Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I'd accidentally walked into my 
eight year olds daughter's room by, and worse still she was on the 
swimming team and didn't smoke.

5. 



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