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Today's jokes [12.1.17]

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"I'm finished with Judi!" Jon exclaimed to his friend.  "She broke
down and told me she was bisexual.  Who the hell wants to 
screw just twice a year???"

1. 




A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would
have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting
mannerism. He kept winking.
"Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good references
and experience. The trouble is this trick you've got of winking all the
time, it might put our customers off."
"No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid of
it is to take a couple of aspirins."
So saying he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled to
see dozens of condoms, multi coloured ones, ribbed ones, heavy duty
varieties and every known brand of standard condom.
"Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winking
stopped at once.
"Thats all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to be
womanising all over his territory."
"Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married."
"Then how do you account for all of these things?"
"Simple, Did you ever go into a chemist winking all the time and ask for
a packet of aspirins?" 

2. 




Two fags are on a picnic,and the first guy says,"I have to take a
dumpski,"and he walks into the woods to do it.
  Several minutes later,the other guy hears the first guy crying
"Boo Hoo,I Had A Miscarriage.I Had A Miscarriage."
  He runs into the woods to see what is going on.
  When he gets there,the first guy is still crying,"Boo-Hoo I Had A
Miscarriage...
   He looks down and says,"Don't be silly.You didn't have a miscarraige.You
had diarrhea on a toad."

3. 




What's a definition of a gynecologist?

Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most
people find pleasure

4. 




The old man was saying to his doctor,
"You know, Doc, when I was young, it was as hard as a rock. As I got a 
little older, I could bend it a little and now I can bend it alot. Does 
that mean I'm getting stronger?"

5. 



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