Today's poems [11.9.17]
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I'm Glad I'm a Man
I'm glad I'm a man, yes I am, I am king
I don't live off of berries, bob-bons, and rings
I don't brag to my girlfriends about my infections
I won't talk to the blind man, concerning directions.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could yell
I don't shave my hair, wax, or use gel
I don't buy wonder bras, or girdles or such
and I don't beg for money to enlarge my bust.
I'm glad I'm a man, of that I am proud.
I'm not all bitchy, annoying and loud.
I won't try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small.
My crdit card is still good when I leave from the mall.
Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I can pee standing up, sitting down, or in a tree
I don't believe every ad with the word free
I won't drink diet coke, or eat a rice cake.
There's no silicone here, my chest isn't fake.
My face isn't "lifted," my bra isn't stuffed,
I do what's proper, I leave the toilet seat up.
It doesn't take hours to fix up my hair,
I don't see the need to use the bathroom in pairs.
I won't throw a tyrade and then blame PMS.
I'm a man, and I'm glad I can deal with my stress.
I have intuition, I never get lost.
I share household duties, I won't try to be boss.
I'm a man and with that comes a high sense of class.
I won't wear a swimsuit that rides up my ass.
I won't go out at night in a black leather skirt,
Then slap anybody who just tries to flirt.
You crazy women scare me, you have lots of gall,
To make Lorena a hero for hacking off balls.
I won't cry like a baby when Bambi gets shot
I don't make up false places, like the infamous "G-spot."
I'm a man of high faith, its my right to command.
The bible and God say all women must serve under man.
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true--
I'm glad I'm a man and not a woman like you.
There was a young man of Newminster Court
Bugger'd a pig, but his prick was too short.
Said the hog, "It's not nice,
But pray take my advice:
Make tracks, or by the police you'll be caught."
submitted by mel & nan
There once was a girl from the East
who had a bad case of the yeast
her guy said "pish, pish"
"it smells like dead fish"
"and that's a smell I don't like in the least"
There was a young fellow named Rummy
Who delighted in whipping his dummy.
He played pocket pool
With his happy old tool
Till his shorts and his pants were all cummy
There was a young man who preferred
Having sex with some kind of a bird.
The rarer the species,
And the fuller of feces,
The better---that guy really loved turd.
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