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Today's poems [11.9.17]

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I'm Glad I'm a Man



 I'm glad I'm a man, yes I am, I am king
 I don't live off of berries, bob-bons, and rings
 I don't brag to my girlfriends about my infections
 I won't talk to the blind man, concerning directions.

 I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could yell
 I don't shave my hair, wax, or use gel
 I don't buy wonder bras, or girdles or such
 and I don't beg for money to enlarge my bust.

 I'm glad I'm a man, of that I am proud.
 I'm not all bitchy, annoying and loud.
 I won't try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small.
 My crdit card is still good when I leave from the mall.

 Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
 I can pee standing up, sitting down, or in a tree
 I don't believe every ad with the word free

 I won't drink diet coke, or eat a rice cake.
 There's no silicone here, my chest isn't fake.
 My face isn't "lifted," my bra isn't stuffed,
 I do what's proper, I leave the toilet seat up.
 
 It doesn't take hours to fix up my hair,
 I don't see the need to use the bathroom in pairs.
 I won't throw a tyrade and then blame PMS.
 I'm a man, and I'm glad I can deal with my stress.

 I have intuition, I never get lost.
 I share household duties, I won't try to be boss.
 I'm a man and with that comes a high sense of class.
 I won't wear a swimsuit that rides up my ass.

 I won't go out at night in a black leather skirt,
 Then slap anybody who just tries to flirt.
 You crazy women scare me, you have lots of gall,
 To make Lorena a hero for hacking off balls.

 I won't cry like a baby when Bambi gets shot
 I don't make up false places, like the infamous "G-spot."
 I'm a man of high faith, its my right to command.
 The bible and God say all women must serve under man.
 I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true--
 I'm glad I'm a man and not a woman like you.



1. 




There was a young man of Newminster Court 
            Bugger'd a pig, but his prick was too short. 
                Said the hog, "It's not nice, 
                But pray take my advice: 
            Make tracks, or by the police you'll be caught."

2. 




submitted by mel & nan

There once was a girl from the East
who had a bad case of the yeast
her guy said "pish, pish"
"it smells like dead fish"
"and that's a smell I don't like in the least"


3. 




There was a young fellow named Rummy
Who delighted in whipping his dummy.
He played pocket pool
With his happy old tool
Till his shorts and his pants were all cummy 

4. 




There was a young man who preferred 
               Having sex with some kind of a bird. 
                    The rarer the species, 
                    And the fuller of feces, 
               The better---that guy really loved turd. 

5. 



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