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Today's jokes [11.7.17]

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A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came 
to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful 
Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way 
home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they 
each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the 
registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?" 
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or 
so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".

1. 




Weight Control



Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per
hour they consume.

Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75
Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100
Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150
Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50
Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25
Throwing your weight around
   (depending on your weight). . . .50-300
Dragging your heels. . . . . . . . . . 100
Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250
Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500
Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50
Wading through paperwork . . . . . . . 300
Bending over backwards . . . . . . . .  75
Jumping on the bandwagon . . . . . . . 200
Balancing the books. . . . . . . . . . .25
Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350
Eating crow. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 225
Tooting your own horn. . . . . . . . . .25
Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 750
Pulling out the stops. . . . . . . . . .75
Adding fuel to the fire. . . . . . . . 160
Wrapping it up at the day's end. . . . .12

To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:

Opening a can of worms . . . . . . . . .50
Putting your foot in your mouth. . . . 300
Starting the ball rolling. . . . . . . .90
Going over the edge. . . . . . . . . . .25
Picking up the pieces after. . . . . . 350



2. 




How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating.

3. 




A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.
He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive  
woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose.  He 
was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve 
to ask her for a dance. 

"Would you like to dance with me?"he asked.

She replied "Would I!", and he sneered and told her,"BIG NOSE!" 



4. 




Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
            A: Her crayons are still sticky.

5. 



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