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Today's jokes [11.5.17]

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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

1. 




Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his 

buddy and says "I gotta go use the can." So he wonders off 

to the bathroom and is gone for 5 ... 10... 20 minutes. Well 

his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him.  He finds

him in there and asks "What the hell are you doing?" The 

first drunk repies "Everytime I flush, something reaches up 

and grabs my balls." The second drunk looks at him and says

"Well ya dumbass, you sittin on the mop bucket"


2. 




   On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked
   his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body.
   
   She said, "I can't wear your pants."
   
   "That's right," intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the
   one who wears the pants in the family."
   
   The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on.
   
   "No way. I can't get into your panties." he said.
   
   "That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your
   attitude." she said and smiled.


3. 




A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same 
sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both 
manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. 
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to 
bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly 
pass me another blanket." 

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better 
idea... let's pretend we're married." 

"Why not?" giggles the woman. 

"Good," he replies.  "Get your own blanket." 

4. 




What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?

A mobile sperm bank.

5. 



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