Today's jokes [11.5.17]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his
buddy and says "I gotta go use the can." So he wonders off
to the bathroom and is gone for 5 ... 10... 20 minutes. Well
his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him. He finds
him in there and asks "What the hell are you doing?" The
first drunk repies "Everytime I flush, something reaches up
and grabs my balls." The second drunk looks at him and says
"Well ya dumbass, you sittin on the mop bucket"
On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked
his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body.
She said, "I can't wear your pants."
"That's right," intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the
one who wears the pants in the family."
The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on.
"No way. I can't get into your panties." he said.
"That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your
attitude." she said and smiled.
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same
sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both
manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to
bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly
pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better
idea... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not?" giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."
What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
A mobile sperm bank.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30