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Today's jokes [11.4.17]

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How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. one to screw in the lightbulb, and another to suck my dick
.as I beat my wife!


1. 




What sexual position makes an ugly baby?

                                 Ask your mom!

2. 




At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:

Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."

Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to 
change your mind?"

Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn't know 
there would be women on the jury. Since I can't even fool my 
wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors."

3. 




TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MAN

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother 
Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring 
about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their 
habits, and paint in the nude. 

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the 
nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each 
other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, 
they open the door.

"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?" 

4. 




The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted 
by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service 
from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called 
the electric company's complaint department to ask for help.

"The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our 
community. You must make them stop cursing so much.", said 
the nun.

"Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their 
habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still 
tend to call a spade a spade.", said the company 
spokeswoman.

Mother superior then observed, "I think the term they actually 
use is 'fucking shovel'".



5. 



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