Today's jokes [11.10.17]
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Valentine's Day Story
John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform,
and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central
Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he
didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen
months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he
found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the
notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a
thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he
discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time
and effort he located her address. She now lived in New York City. He
wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond.
The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.
During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other
through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A
romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she
refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she
looked like. When the day finally came for him to return from Europe,
they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central
Station in New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red
rose I'll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7:00 he was in the station
looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never
seen. I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened: A young woman was
coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back
in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her
lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she
was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely
forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a
small provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she
murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and
then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the
girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn
hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into
low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away.
I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow
her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had
truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale,
plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and
kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn
blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This
would not be love, but it would be something precious, something
perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and
must ever be grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out
the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the
bitterness of my disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and
you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me. May I take
you to dinner?" The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I
don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady
in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on
my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go
and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across
the street. She said it was some kind of test!" It's not difficult to
understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom.
The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the
unattractive. "Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will
tell you who you are."
Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he
called home, his wife told him, "Miles, they had your name in the obits
"What! In the obituary column! That's not only disgraceful but bad
journalism. I'll sue 'em."
"Tell me, Miles," his wife asked tremulously, "wh...wh...where are you
Mike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he
wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he
wanted to buy a 100 pound pig. The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty,
bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said,
"This one will go a little over a 100". Astonished the Yankee said, "Who
are you trying to fool? You can't weigh a pig that way". The farmer
laughed and called to his young son, "Boy, come over here and weigh that
pig for this man". The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig
by its tail with his teeth. Turning to his father the boy said, " This
here pig weighs about 100 pounds". The Yankee was having no part of this
so in order to convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house and
get his mother so she could weigh the pig. After a short delay the son
returned and said, "Ma says she will be right down after she's finished
weighing the mailman".
Q: Why are brides dressed in white?
A: So they match the rest of the appliances.
Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl
says, "Oh my god! , it was really great, but I was Sooo scared after his
I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened." Says her intrigued friend.
"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the
last little piece of it out with dental floss."
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