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Today's stories [10.5.17]

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The Criminally Stupid Bank Robber


In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into a local branch and wrote, "this iz a
stikkup.  Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and
that they might call the police before he even reached the teller
window.  So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller.  She read it, noticing all of his spelling
errors.  She quickly surmised that he wasn't the brightest light
in the harbor.

Then she told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.  The Wells
Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few
minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

1. 




I suppose some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if telephone 
solicitors weren't able to call people at home during dinner hour.
But that doesn't make it any more pleasant.

Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has 
proposed  "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a 
telemarketing operation that would stop the nuisance for all time.  The 
three little words are "Hold On, Please."
Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of 
hanging up immediately would make each telemarketing call so time-
consuming that boiler rooms would grind to a halt.  When you eventually 
hear the phone company's beep-beep-beep tone, you know it's time to go 
back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.  
This might be one of those articles you'll want to e-mail to your 
friends.  Three little words that eliminate telephone soliciting.

2. 




If you had bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now 
be worth $49. If you had bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not 
the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans at a 
redemption center for the nickel deposit, you would have $107.

Given the current conditions of the economy, my advice is to drink 
heavily and recycle.

3. 



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