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Today's stories [10.13.17]

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This really happened and was featured on Jay Leno more than 8 years 
ago...The wife of a business man was reading the morning paper while 
her husband was at the office working. She was reading the divorce 
decrees to see if she knew anyone there and was shocked to read her 
own name as well as her husbands name in a divorce decree! When her 
husband came home from work, she was very upset and asked him why 
the paper said that they were getting a divorce. "Nothing to worry 
about dear, must be a friend pulling a joke, I'll find out at the office 
tommorrow"! He assurred her. 

Assuming this was a hoax, she went about her business for the next two 
days, when a summons to appear in Divorce (Federal) Court arrived for 
her! When her husband returned from work that night, she was 
hysterical! "What on earth is going on, who is doing this"? She 
demanded to know. "I promise I will find out tommorrow"! He told her 
again. 

This time she was going to ask her husband right when he got home the 
next day. "So, who was it"? She asked eagerly. "Oh, it was this wierd 
guy from accounting. He thought it would make a funny April Fools joke, 
remember it is April now"! He calmed her with. She was now satisfied 
that her husband loved her and everything was fine. The date for the 
court appearance came and went, as her husband told her to disregard 
it. While cleaning one afternoon, she was startled by a knock at the 
door. It was her judgement for divorce notice, the divorce was final. 
When she assumed her husband told her the truth, she never showed up 
for the hearing, which was real and the husband won by default! He got 
EVERYTHING! 

Sent by Signfeld2002

1. 




Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was
quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you 
it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
flight attendant's fault.....it was the asphalt!"

2. 




Pfizer Corp. is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon 
be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a 
power beverage for use as a mixer.
Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims: It will now be possible for a 
man to literally pour himself a stiff one.  Obviously we can no
longer call this a soft drink. This additive gives new meaning to
the names of cocktails, highballs, and just a good old fashioned
stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount And Do.
Also, something to think about:  the long-term implications of drugs
and medical procedures must be fully considered.  Over the past few
years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than
was spent on Alzheimer's Disease research.  It is believed that by
the year 2030, there will be a large number of people wandering
around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what to
do with them.

3. 



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