Today's jokes [10.8.17]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Two pedophiles were sitting on the beach.
One said to the other "Hey get out of my son!"
Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a heck of a lot better than
the penalty for murder!
Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says,
…"Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"
There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at
their local bar, they
got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their
igloos were. They could
agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided
to determine who,
indeed, had the coldest igloo.
They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and
poured a cup of
water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the
floor solid. "Not bad"
said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder
So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!"
and took a big breath
and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to
the floor. "Wow,
that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo
exclaimed his was
So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!"
and went into the
bedroom, looked under three hugh back thick furs, and retrieved one of
several small balls
of ice there. He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a
spoon, and held a match
under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
"Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse".
"Ssh!" hisses the other, "It's not till next week".
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31