Today's jokes [10.6.17]
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When a man takes off his pants in a hotel room,
what's the first thing to hang out?
The DO NOT DISTURB sign!
How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales Style
Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time
selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two
days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the
first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an
elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them
gray and sell them as "desktop elephants."
Sent by Alex
Q: Why is Bill Clinton happy he named his dog "Buddy?"
A: Because it's a BAD TIME to be yelling "come Spot!" in the Whitehouse.
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to
the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain
announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very
bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane
will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below
us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island
appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So
the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live
on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our
lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island,
whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay
our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?"
"No Morris!" she responded.
Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"
"Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!"
Now Morris laughs.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple
Building Fund check this month?"
"Oy Morris I forgot that one too!"
Now Morris is practically choking with laughter.
Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about?"
Morris responds, "They'll find us!!"
The Missionary and the Chief
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how
to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he
is to return home.
He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was
how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in
the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary
is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and
says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when
he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he
sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre
is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and
kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that
he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and
kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in
cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
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