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Today's jokes [10.4.17]

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What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.


1. 




The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air
Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of
perfectly good aircraft.  "Obviously the Air Force knows there's
no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated
officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay
you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army
pays its men to jump."

"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant
replied.  "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump
out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch
about the salary."

2. 




A homosexual walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a 
large knob of salami.
"Would you like it sliced, sir?" the shopkeeper asked politely.
"What do you think I am?" replied the fag, "...a money box!"

3. 




What's the object of a Jewish football game?

To get the quarter back!

4. 




   One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to
   come down to earth
   to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great
   shape and they went
   to her apartment she only had one small problem, she had a speech
   impediment, but this
   didn't affect their sex. They went at it hot and heavy all night long
   then in the morning
   Thor had to leave so he decided he should at least tell her his name,
   so he said to her, "I'm
   Mighty Thor and I have to leave now." She looked at him and said,
   "You're thore I'm tho
   thore I can hardly pith."
   


5. 



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