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Today's jokes [10.11.17]

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A Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail 
with hard on. The Cowboy asks "what are you doing?" Indian says" Me tellum 
time." Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the 
same. Says "You telling time?" yup" "how can you tell time like that?" 
Indian says "workum like sundial, readum shadow". Cowboy, incredulous, 
rides on. Encounters Indian in trail masturbating. Cowboy says "let me 
guess, you're telling time too." Indian says " Nope. But me windum clock!" 

1. 




Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their 
Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain 
and the top is down! 

2. 




   An Unusual Ailment
   
   A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The
   man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't
   believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.
   A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and
   wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe
   that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes
   yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off.
   The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says,
   "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis
   from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are
   you?"
   The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a
   very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The
   woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?" The
   man looks at her and says, "Pepper."


3. 




Two English sheep in a field.
One says to the other "I'm not feeling very well"

The other turns around and replies

"Shut-the-f*ck-up, or you'll get us all killed"


Sent by paully

4. 




Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck
   inside of her.
   "To remove that vibrator," said the doctor, "I'm going to have to
   perform a very long and delicate operation."
   "I don't think I can afford that," said Sally. "Could you just replace
   the batteries?"


5. 



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