Today's jokes [10.10.17]
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What was Moby Dick's father's name?
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the
iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the
Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that
this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people
died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered,
"about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of
the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as
far away from humanity as possible.
Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet.
After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner one
day when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big,
bearded man standing there. "Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles
over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after 6 months of this I'm ready to meet some local
folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some
drinking." "Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I
can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some
fightin' too." Damn, Sam thinks... Tough crowd. "Well, I get along with
people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these
parties, too." "Now that's not a problem," says Sam, "Remember I've been
alone for 6 months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be
the two of us."
A midget walks into the doctors and says, "Doc, I've got these fucking
itchy balls and I can't do anything to stop 'em itching".
The Doc says, "I can see the problem and I'll fix it for ya"
So the Doc pulls out a pair of scissors and tells the Midget to close his
eyes. The midget hears snip, snip snip noises for about 5 minutes.
The doc finishes and says, "How's that?"
The midget says, "Fucking brilliant, what did you do?"
The Doc says, "I trimmed back your high boots"
A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just
come out of the shower.
The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks "What's that?"
Her sister replies "That is my possum, sis!"
The young girl replies "Oh, OK"
The next day she sees her mother get out of the shower and a pointing
at her pussy again
asks "What's that?"
Her mother replies "That's my possum!"
The young girl again replies "Oh, OK"
The next day she sees her grandmother getting out of the shower and
once again pointing at
her pussy asks "What's that?"
The grandmother replies "That's my possum!"
The young girl replies "Oh, grandmother, is your possum dead?"
The grandmother, looking a little dazzled replies "No, deary, why do
The young girl replies "Oh, its just that your possums tongue is
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