Today's jokes [1.9.17]
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How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team?
Because all of the mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.
A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.
It's at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says.....
"Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?"
The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back
at the little girl and winks....
"When your mommy goes to the mall!"
A man went to his dentist because he feels something
wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is
eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all
I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made
some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put
it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollindaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is
highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make
you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why
chrome?" asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like
chrome for the Hollandaise!"
A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook
saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he
cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and
ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the
cooking..." "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."
Q: Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.
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