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Today's jokes [1.9.17]

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How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team?



      Because all of the mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.


1. 




A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.
It's at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says..... 

     "Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?" 

The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back
at the little girl and winks.... 

     "When your mommy goes to the mall!" 

2. 




A man went to his dentist because he feels something
wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is
eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all
I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made
some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put
it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollindaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is
highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make
you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why
chrome?" asks the patient. 

To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like
chrome for the Hollandaise!"

3. 




A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook
saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he
cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and
ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the
cooking..." "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."

4. 




Q: Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run. 



5. 



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