Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [1.3.17]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?


                             Which one's Mommy?

1. 




A few months ago I saw a newspaper clipping which told of a newspaper in
Illinois (I think...) which ran a story warning consumers that, on such-and-
such day, Illinois Bell would be "blowing the dust out of the phone lines" and
that all phone owners should cover the earpiece of their phones with a bag to
catch the dust.

Bell made them print a retraction, after receiving numerous calls asking
what sort of bag to use ...

People, they is amazing.



2. 




A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as 
he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped 
the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and 
Easter?"
He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."

3. 




   After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple
   finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant.
   After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The
   new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel
   like honey ?"
   
   "Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"


4. 




Here's a sick one...

So at the funeral home, the widow instructs the mortician to cut off
her late husband's penis and shove it up his rectum.  The mortician
objects, but threatening not to pay, he relents.  Later, at the coffin
closing, the wife bends down to kiss her husband goodbye, and she sees a
tear coming from his eye.  She says "Hurts doesn't it, you son of a
bitch!"

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD





By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 January '17 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  
8  9  10 11 12 13 14 
15 16 17 18 19 20 21 
22 23 24 25 26 27 28 
29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.