Today's jokes [1.3.17]
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What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?
Which one's Mommy?
A few months ago I saw a newspaper clipping which told of a newspaper in
Illinois (I think...) which ran a story warning consumers that, on such-and-
such day, Illinois Bell would be "blowing the dust out of the phone lines" and
that all phone owners should cover the earpiece of their phones with a bag to
catch the dust.
Bell made them print a retraction, after receiving numerous calls asking
what sort of bag to use ...
People, they is amazing.
A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as
he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped
the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and
He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."
After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple
finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant.
After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The
new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel
like honey ?"
"Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"
Here's a sick one...
So at the funeral home, the widow instructs the mortician to cut off
her late husband's penis and shove it up his rectum. The mortician
objects, but threatening not to pay, he relents. Later, at the coffin
closing, the wife bends down to kiss her husband goodbye, and she sees a
tear coming from his eye. She says "Hurts doesn't it, you son of a
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