Today's jokes [2.6.12]
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"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the
landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the
housewife told a neighbor.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"I have to admit I did -- though with certain misgivings, I might
add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent
is paid up for six months!"
Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were
planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being
an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from
some of the surrounding colleges to attend.
The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that
arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most
The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to
send a dozen or so of the other kind ?"
A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy
ocean-side resort. because they knew it would be expensive, they had
planned to limit their stay to just the weekend, but were just unable
to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended
their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk clerk said,
"That'll be an additional $150 apiece."
"Good God man !!!" cried the groom, totally shocked, "That's two
thousand two-hundred and fifty dollars !!! Are you crazy ???"
A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of
his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was
touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves.
One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of
cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove
was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was
disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting
to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they
Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away to
his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature
He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when
Betty-Sue whispers in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never been
with a man b'fore."
"WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her
Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door,
into his truck.... down the mountain.... straight to his parents
house... rushes inside screaming "Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" .....
His father rushes downstairs and gasps... "Billy-Joe, what'r you doin
Billy-Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps "Well,
Betty-Sue an I was in the' cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never
been with a man' afore.... so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back
here... quick as I could!"
His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says "SON,
Ya done the right thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her family,
she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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