Today's stories [10.18.12]

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On our last vacation, my wife and I saved some money by staying in
a cheap hotel. Just as we were falling asleep, we heard the sounds
of mattress springs and a banging headboard from the next room.

At first we were amused by the amorous couple.
After five minutes it had lost its charm.
After ten minutes we were getting pretty annoyed, in that it was
keeping us awake.
After fifteen minutes, we were just plain ticked off.

After half an hour we were pretty damned impressed. 

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the 
posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya 
from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in 
Columbia."

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, 
"Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

After my recent breakup and the hell I went through, 
I quickly dropped a few pounds. Not quite Ally-McBeal- 
thin but close. I ran into a friend of mine who was surprised at 
the quick change and commented, "Damn, you've lost a lot of 
weight". My response to him,  "Yep, lost 220 pounds of fat 
German bastard".

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