Today's jokes [10.7.12]

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Santa comes once a year - but when he does he fills your stocking!

   A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go duck hunting.
   
   He tells his wife, "You've got three choices; you can go duck hunting
   with me, I'll do ya anally or you can give me a blowjob. I'm gonna
   load up the truck and get the dog out. Make up your mind before I get
   back."
   
   Hubby returns twenty minutes later and says, "Well what's it gonna
   be?"
   
   She say's, "There's no way I'm going duck hunting and you're not doing
   my ass so I guess it's a blowjob."
   
   A couple minutes later she starts choking and spitting and says,
   "Jesus, you taste like shit."
   
   "Oh yeah," he replies, "The dog didn't want to go duck huntin'
   either."
   

Good News, Bad News, Worse News III

  Good: 
        Your husband understands fashion
   Bad: 
        He's a crossdresser
 Worse: 
        He looks better than you

What is the definition of ultimate rejection? 

     Your hand falling asleep while masturbating. 

The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there
came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away
at once, eyes wide with alarm.
"Heavens," she cried, "it's my husband! Quick, jump out the window."
The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window,
then demurred. "I can't," he said, "we're on the thirteenth floor."
"For heaven's sake," cried the young lady in exasperation,
"is this a time to be superstitious?" 

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