Today's jokes [10.6.12]
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Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park.
Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new
Grandpa looks at him and says "No Johnny, I will not."
"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies.
"Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you
have no one worth writing to."
What's the one thing you can do to a Jewish girl's asshole
to make her squeal with delight?
Give him a raise.
A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY
that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's
right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man, as well as
earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding The Female Response to Getting In At 4 a.m.
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception
EAT 100 Get A Life, Learn To Cook
ECON 001A What's Hers Is Hers
MEN 120 How NOT To Act Like An Asshole When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons To Give Flowers
ECON 001B What's Yours Is Half Hers (Must Pass ECON 001A)
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
MEN 201 How To Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 202 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down
ELECTIVE (See Electives Below)
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be A Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise - Especially Naked
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1
MEN 220 Omitting @&*%$#* From Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask For Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging Is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays And Anniversaries Are Important 2
EAT 101 Cooking With Quiche
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping And Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mother-in-Law
MEN 232 Appear To Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say, Yes Dear
ECON 001C Cheaper To Keep Her (Must Pass ECON 001B)
President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board
Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At
the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute.
"I'd salute you back, Sergeant," says the President, "but as you can see, I've got my hands
"Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs."
"Why, these aren't pigs," the President responds. "These are RAZORBACKS!"
"Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir."
"Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary."
The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir -- very good trade."
THIS IS SCARY BUT IT REALLY WORKS.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!!!
It only takes 30 seconds. Work this out as you read. Don't read the
bottom until you have worked it out.!!!
1. First of all, pick the number of days a week that you would like to
go out to dinner.
2. Multiply this number by 2.
3. Add 5.
4. Multiply it by 50.
5. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1748. If you
haven't, add 1747.
6. Last step: Subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should now have a three digit number:
The first digit of this was your original number (i.e. how many times
you want to go out each week).
The second two digits are your age!!!
It really works. This is the only year it will ever work, so spread
joy around by mailing this to anyone you think might enjoy it.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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